the edge

its been awhile
im navagating something not so raw as when this was born.
i am trying to see where i fit in this picture
im trying to make amends
im trying to mend fences
realizing what this year had done to me.
i have moments when i am alone
where my heart sinks to my knees
and i blush with embarassment at my transgressions
its become more than the sum of the small visible parts.
this
right now
is the first time i have shed a tear in some days
the thought of who i am and what i became...
even if only for the smallest amount of time.
thinking about what to rebuild
and what can go to fallow
where to say
"im sorry"
and "i love you"
but still move on