there is no other place i'd wanna be

i am right here.
its a struggle for me most of the time because I'm always looking down the hall at whats coming next.
i have an idea of whats coming next
but i'm enjoying how simple this has become.
how i expect nothing except the space this deserves
this is the first time we have ever been exactly where we are right now.
in all the years and rapture and crap and junkiness and aloneness
we have never been right here.
and i really really like it.
i have to remind her that i still feel like a guest.
for now.
but when she looks at me with that crooked smile that I had almost forgotten about
i feel like i was never away.
when she backed me against the wall and grabbed my mouth to kiss me
i recognized it like it was yesterday.

this morning I woke up remembering some years ago
the yellow light shining over us as she sat straddled over me in an industrial neighborhood
with wooden palettes looming above our heads.
she looked past me and said, almost as if she were talking to the sky,
"I wonder where we will be in 5 years."
i smiled at her and shrugged my shoulders
and she said
"probably much farther along than X and I are"

right now i feel like i am where I belong

sun and the rainfall

it was nice to laugh.
both of us
loud and a lot
the ease with which we move around each other
the sun and ocean
and her skin
and my little heart
happy and thumpthumpthumping

dawn

i realized tonight
while spewing things that didnt belong to me
that i am ok
no matter what happens now
i am ok.

i said that i had grown more in the last six months than i thought myself capable in a lifetime.
she said
"please promise you won't give up just yet.
not until..."
i promised.
because she might be right.
i hope shes right.