resorting

my toes and legs have been slowly creeping
diagonally across the bed on to her side
i am slowly creeping back to my self in the singular

it's been awhile since i cried .
but tuesday night i cried myself to sleep.
while spooning her pillow.
i dreamt of love letters written in gorgeous linear lettering
i was able to make out only one word

"giving"

i rubbed the letters against the paint in the hallway
thus putting the writing on the wall myself
trying to subconciously gain some control
over a situation over which i have none.

wednesday she called to tell me that she missed my spoon
i told her i had been spooning her pillow
but
i hadn't told her that i cried
and
i didn't say that i was starting to usurp her spot.

also
i didn't tell her that i thought we might be getting closer to even