first love

we met on the front lawn of my erstwhile (gay) boyfriend's house.
He asked if i wanted to go across the street to meet his best friend since he was 4.
In was the last few days of my sophmore year in high school

We spent the next few years attached at the hip.
We wrote what amounted to love letters in gorgeous prose
with all angst and trauma and passion
We wrote them 8 times a day
once for each time we passed in the hall
tokens of our undying friendship and adoration for each other.
promises that we would be the godparents of each others children
that we would never leave one another
that we would be 'bff'

i owe my writing to her.

i owe all the practice of pouring my unfiltered, squishy, love lorn guts out
onto a blank page to her.

i owe my bravery to her.

she allowed me to do it without ever making me feel self-conscious

she would tell me they were beautiful.

she is still doing it.

happy 20th anniversary
my bff.