half a yellow

i will take a little pill tonight to put myself out
to keep me from thinking about having pulled her mail out of the mailbox
or seeing her things in the closet
or sleeping next to the pillow that she had her head on
not a week ago
or knowing that i have a mess to clean up in the toy box
and knowing that when i open it the tears will come

this is easier for her in every way
i am still here
in the middle of all the ghost images
of playing house

i want to tell her about the camera oobscura in the airplane hangar
and the guy making the new LEDs

but all i can do is wait for half yellow to take over
and fall into another dreamless sleep.