rocked to sleep

we were on the subway on our way up to an office we'd never been to
to meet a man that neither of us knew.
she fell asleep with her head on my shoulder and i lightly rubbed her thigh with my hand
"i like how that feels"
and then she fell asleep.
her head started to fall forward in the depth of her sleeping and i used my chin to hold it in place, not wanting her to awake with a start and her head jerking forward.
i kissed her forhead like i have a million times.
being there gave me some comfort i hadn't felt in days.

i was feeling good about the man.
maybe he could help us see our way through what looked like a big pile of tangled wires.
i brought my little metaphorical box with all of the 'good stuff' tucked in it.
all the things we do right.
stuff we could use as lynchpins.

stuff we had had from the first day we met.
stuff that i have held onto tightly when things got out of hand.
stuff that i was afraid of losing along the way
but here it is in this box

so when she says she has almost no hope
i am left sitting here with this box that i don't know what to do with.

my little dowery of us.