secret code

this is the story of the unraveling of us.
but at its core it has been a continuous love letter to you.

a way of sorting through
but also a way of letting you know what was important when i wasn't able to tell you outloud,
when sometimes even post its wouldnt have done.

because we both knew you would
and we both knew that i was writing it to you

i feel incredibly at ease now
surprisingly so.
it feels good
and
you were right
i Do keep going back to the beginning to say
"remember when you came to my house JUST to tuck me in?"
or
"remember when we would walk around the streets of SOHO for hours having temper tantrums in aisle 7 when we couldnt find dinner at 1am"
that was before we were interrupted.
thats when we built what we have now in its bare bones structure.
we ARE there
with all of the stuff stripped away

i will never be able to rid us of the fallout.
the only thing that i can continue to do is to try to make up for it.
and to never forget how fragile it is
and how wildly forunate i am that it is also so sturdy.